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257 miles seems far sometimes, but other times, it doesn’t seem that out of reach. it seems ridiculious to me that the same thought still crosses my mind constantly. Missing someone who seems to be far away. What if things had turned out differently? Questions like these keep me up into the late hours of the night. Maybe she doesn’t care anymore, or maybe she never even did. Maybe it was all a hoax or just a game she was playing to fuck with my head. Either way, I know that what I felt and still feel is genuine. 

Sometimes I have to sit back and just laugh about it all. thinking of how it was just seventh grade and we were at some field trip that never amounted to anything. Field trips; when was the last time I got to experience one of those? Either way. How time has passed so quickly. The same questions that keep me up at night are the same ones that generate more of the same questions. I’m always wondering about where we will stand in six years. Ten Years. Will you even remember my name? Or will I just be another face that you briefly knew but quickly discarded. Whatever happened to the youth which we once possessed.

I never meant to deceive you. I was just never a big enough man to be the person who you wanted me to be. And I would apologize for that, but I’m not going too. It just doesn’t seem worth it to be crying over something that seems to distant. 257 miles.

Why is it that a person realizes the true value of something when the person has been separated from it with time and distance?

Another thing that I find extremely ironic is my friendship with Gracie Irby. I went to Elementary school with her in fourth and fifth grades. To this day, we are still good friends, even though I haven’t seen her since. The internet has really made acsessibility to the rest of the world more possible.

Back to the actual topic at hand. If I had just one more chance, just one more opportunity; I would seize it. I always tell myself that if I ever see you again I will walk straight up to you and we will have one of the most passionate kisses that is even imaginable. Fuck the Notebook. But I also understand the true reality of the situation, and am aware that such a thought is just a thought that drives my eyelids open in the late hours of the night. I guess what I’m trying to convey to you is that I miss you and that I’m not the bad guy which I know you think me to be. I’m just trying to cope with the cards that I’ve been dealt and live this life in Louisville that I’ve been given.